Speaking the Unspeakable: The Truth About Suicide and Stigma

By Dehyana

In previous blogs, I shared how my immediate response to Jordy’s suicide was one of complete disbelief. It was as though I had hit the eject button on reality and disassociated entirely. The world no longer existed. I felt disconnected from my body, floating in the air above myself in some surreal, unreachable realm of never-never land.

My brain was on overdrive with tormenting thoughts. Should I be honest about how she died, or should I keep her suicide a secret? What would people think? What would people say? “Oh my God, she killed herself!”

That was the truth. I had to face it. It took a while for those words to sink in.

“It was as though I had hit the eject button on reality and disassociated entirely.”

Confronting Societal Stigma

Even in the 21st century, suicide is still considered a criminal act in many parts of the world. Discovering that Jordy had killed herself brought me to my knees in anguish. It was not just the loss of my beloved daughter but the heavy cloak of societal and religious stigma and shame-based ideologies that made the grief nearly unbearable.

“Even in the 21st century, suicide is still considered a criminal act in many parts of the world.”

What I knew in my heart, even in the midst of this pain, was that I had to confront my own judgments about suicide and all that it entails. This was a daunting task, to say the least, but it became my initiation into something deeply transformative.

The nightmare of suicide is unlike any other death. With other losses, there is often closure, a narrative, a sense of why. When my husband died, I watched his heart fail in the CCU, with the doctors telling me it didn’t look good. Ok. I get that. Suicide, however, leaves you in a tormenting fog of unanswered questions: What was so bad that you had to kill yourself? “There’s always hope, don’t you know?” Then I asked myself, was there something I could have done differently? As any suicide survivor will tell you, the guilt is relentless, and the desire to “figure it out” becomes an obsession.

To compound the pain, society often offers little support for survivors of suicide loss. Instead, it shrouds them in judgment, shame, and silence.

This is a good time to stop and ask yourself: What judgments do I hold or attack thoughts do I have about people who take their own life? What thoughts and opinions do I have about them, including their family background? Be sure to answer honestly because this is a forgiveness opportunity to let go of the construct called suicide that exists in the matrix.

After Jordy’s death, I began to read and research everything I could get my hands on about suicide from societal, religious, and spiritual perspectives. What I found was interesting, to say the least.

Historical Perspectives on Suicide

Historically, and even today, suicide is treated as disgraceful and labeled a criminal act. It is a mark of dishonour not just for the person who died but for their family as well. Religion has played a significant role in perpetuating this narrative. Many teachings portray suicide as a sin, a moral failing, something to be condemned rather than understood.

In some extreme cases, like those in old New Orleans, anyone who killed themselves was seated in a chair in front of church congregations and ridiculed. Afterward, the body was tied to a wagon wheel, arms and legs splayed, with the head hanging lifelessly while paraded through the town, a deliberate act of public humiliation. Can you imagine? I believe much of this is deeply embedded in the psyche of humanity, which is why secrecy and shame often accompany suicide.

“In some extreme cases… anyone who killed themselves was seated in a chair in front of church congregations and ridiculed.”

These horrifying practices reflect the deep-seated shame society has imposed around suicide. The message is clear: not only is suicide wrong, but the families of those who die by suicide must also bear the burden of disgrace. In another religion, those who killed themselves were to be buried far away from those who died from illness, old age, or natural causes.

This stigma silences survivors, forcing them into a lonely, isolating grief. Many, are left grappling with endless doubts: myself included, “What should I say?” “How will people react?” For me, the most personal ones hit the hardest: “If she’s so spiritual, how could her daughter have killed herself?” (Yes, I’ve already heard that.) And most recently: “I wonder what went on in her family?”

Even in the absence of overt condemnation, there is a societal expectation to move on quickly or to cover up the cause of death altogether. The suicide taboo oftentimes forces survivors into a life sentence of “keeping the secret” which denies them the opportunity to openly grieve and process their pain.

For those left behind, suicide compounds the anguish of death. It demands that we cope with not just the loss itself but also the secondary trauma of the stigma of suicide, which only deepens the wound. Grieving a loved one to suicide is an uncharted journey, one where isolation oftentimes becomes my personal companion. To those who have not walked this path, I urge you to look beyond the stigma, examine your judgments, opinions, and attack thoughts around the topic. Shame has no place in grief. Compassion, kindness, love, and understanding are the bridges that help survivors heal and perhaps, finally, begin to speak their truth.

Consider Judas, the one who betrayed Christ. Overcome with guilt, he hung himself. The anguish he felt must have been so unbearable that he ended his own life. Even though the Bible doesn’t directly address suicide, it does emphasise love and compassion toward those suffering mental distress. However, from a metaphysical perspective, Judas’ role was vital in allowing the revelation of Christ to unfold as it did. Something to contemplate.

Personal Healing Journey

From day one, I refused to hide how Jordy died. I forced myself to face those brutal words – suicide, killed herself, took her own life, died by her own hands. God, how I wanted it to be anything else but that. Even now, typing these words feels like my heart is being shredded. But these gut wrenching truths, as much as they wound me, were ones I had to embrace to begin healing.

“From day one, I refused to hide how Jordy died.”

With the strength of God in my soul and my unwavering faith in the afterlife, I remain committed to honouring Jordy’s life by refusing to silence the word suicide. There are millions out there grappling with the aftermath of losing someone to suicide and countless others struggling with suicidal thoughts. Speaking openly is my way of standing with them and with Jordy.

Prayer and Compassion

To all my brothers and sisters who have taken their life: I see you, I hear you, and I love you. I hold each of you in the light of oneness and I honour your soul for contributing to my ascension journey toward total forgiveness of every construct in the dream world.

“I see you, I hear you, and I love you.”

Suicide Prevention: Key Insights and Supportive Actions

Suicide is a deeply complex and sensitive issue. Understanding its prevalence, causes, and prevention strategies is essential for raising awareness and fostering supportive environments.

“You are not alone, and support is available.”

Here are some Key Facts:

Global Statistics

1. Prevalence: Over 700,000 people die by suicide annually worldwide, making it a leading cause of death.
2. Age Group: It is the fourth leading cause of death among individuals aged 15–29 years.
3. Regional Variation: Suicide rates are highest in low- and middle-income countries, but it is a global issue.

Risk Factors

1. Mental Health: Conditions like depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, and schizophrenia are significant contributors.
2. Trauma and Abuse: History of trauma, abuse, or exposure to violence increases the risk.
3. Substance Use: Alcohol and drug misuse are linked to higher suicide risk.
4. Chronic Illness: Individuals with chronic pain or terminal illness may be more vulnerable. 
5. Social Factors: Isolation, bullying, relationship problems, financial issues, or unemployment contribute to risk.

Warning Signs

1. Behavioural Changes: Withdrawing from loved ones, giving away possessions, or a sudden improvement in mood after a period of depression.
2. Verbal Cues: Statements like “I feel like a burden,” or “I don’t see a way out.”
3. Mood Shifts: Extreme sadness, irritability, or hopelessness.

Prevention Strategies

1. Open Communication: Encouraging honest discussions about feelings and providing non-judgmental support. Access to Mental Health Care: Early diagnosis and treatment of mental health conditions can save lives.
2. Community Support: Strong social connections and supportive environments reduce isolation.
3. Restricting Means: Limiting access to lethal methods (e.g., firearms, pesticides) has been shown to lower suicide rates.
4. Education: Raising awareness about suicide prevention and reducing stigma around mental health.

What You Can Do

1. Listen: Show empathy and avoid judgment. Let the person know you care and they’re not alone. Be a space of love.
2. Ask Directly: It’s a myth that asking someone about suicide will put the idea in their head. If you’re concerned, ask.
3. Seek Help: Encourage the person to connect with a mental health professional or helpline.
4. Emergency Response: If someone is in immediate danger, do not leave them alone. Contact emergency services or a crisis line.

If you or someone you know is struggling, reaching out to trusted individuals or professionals can make a difference. You are not alone, and support is available.

Recommended links to suicide loss virtual support groups:

Samaritans: Preventing Suicide, Providing Hope

Alliance of Hope: For Suicide Loss Survivors

Support After Suicide: Supporting those who have lost a loved one to suicide.