When the Old Name Doesn’t Fit Anymore

By Dehyana

Something feels different lately.

I know, I know.

That’s a dangerous opening sentence coming from an astrologer during eclipse season. Before long we’ll have portals opening, timelines collapsing and somebody’s DNA doing something it wasn’t doing last Tuesday. I’m not going there. But I’m also not going to pretend I don’t feel it.

We’ve just come through a solar eclipse in Leo, and at the end of August, there’s a lunar eclipse in Pisces. As an astrologer, I find that fascinating. As a mystic, I find it even more fascinating. And as a human being who’s been questioning quite a few things lately, the timing has certainly got my attention.

Because something I’ve been noticing—in myself and in conversations with other people—is this strange loosening around identity. Things we once used to describe ourselves don’t fit quite as comfortably. The role we’ve always played or the thing we’ve always believed. Maybe it’s the work we’ve always done or the person everybody expects us to be. Even some of our spiritual identities. And that can feel surprisingly unsettling.

What Happens When You Don’t Know Who You Are Anymore?

We spend years becoming somebody. We collect names for ourselves along the way: mother, teacher, healer, seeker, caretaker, successful one, strong one, spiritual one, the one who knows what to do. Then something shifts and we find ourselves looking at one of those names thinking:

Is that still me?

Not Was it ever me? That’s different. It may have been completely true once. It may have shaped our lives, given us purpose, helped us through difficult years and brought extraordinary people and experiences to us. But does it still fit? That’s the uncomfortable part. Because we’re much better at acquiring identities than releasing them.

We announce beginnings. New job! New relationship! New direction! We don’t tend to announce: “Good news everyone. I no longer know who the heck I am.” And yet there are periods in life when that’s remarkably close to the truth.

Eclipse Season and the Identities We Outgrow

Astrologically, I can’t help being interested in the symbolism of this particular eclipse season. Leo has so much to do with expression, visibility, creativity and the experience of being somebody. Then we move toward a lunar eclipse in Pisces, a sign associated with dissolving boundaries, surrender and the places where our neat definitions don’t work particularly well.

I’m not saying the eclipse is stripping identities from people. I don’t know that. But symbolism has always mattered to human beings, and eclipses have certainly captured our attention for thousands of years. The sky goes strange. The familiar light disappears. Something we depend upon looking one way suddenly looks completely different. No wonder the ancients paid attention.

I still do. Not because I think every celestial event is sending me a personalised memo from God. Although I admit there have been times I would have appreciated one.

Dear Dehyana,

Regarding the current situation: DON’T.

Would have saved me years. But I do think the heavens can give us a language for contemplation. Astrology has always done that for me. And right now the question that interests me isn’t, What’s going to happen?

It’s much closer to: What no longer fits?

What No Longer Fits?

That’s a very different way of sitting with an eclipse. No prediction required. Just notice. The identity you keep defending, the role you’re tired of playing, the belief you feel slightly guilty questioning and especially the thing you’ve been doing because you’ve always done it. Even the version of yourself that other people still seem to need you to be.

There can be grief when one of those begins to loosen. I don’t think we acknowledge that enough. When an old identity falls away, we aren’t only losing a label. We’re losing something familiar. We knew how to be that person. We knew the lines. We knew where to stand. Then suddenly the old name doesn’t fit and the new one hasn’t revealed itself. That’s an odd place to be. And our first instinct is often to fill the space immediately. Okay, who am I NOW? Good grief. There we go again. Can we be unnamed for five minutes?

Learning to Live Without the Old Name

I still love astrology. I still love Jesus. I still open A Course in Miracles and occasionally wish I hadn’t. I still love Egypt, sacred places, prayer, Mystery and experiences I cannot explain.

None of that has gone anywhere. What’s changing is my relationship to certainty. I don’t need astrology to tell me exactly what’s happening. I can let it help me ask a better question. I don’t need an eclipse to cause my transformation before I’m allowed to find its symbolism meaningful. And I don’t need to call every internal shift an ascension or a light code coming on line. Sometimes an old identity simply doesn’t fit anymore. That’s enough to sit with. So yes, something feels different to me during this eclipse window.

Is it the eclipse? Is it life? Is it age? Or is it consciousness doing what consciousness does?

I don’t know.

There was a time when those three words would have frustrated me. These days I’m rather fond of them. I’ll watch the sky. I’ll watch myself. And if an old version of me sneaks out the back door while I’m doing it…

I don’t think I’m going to chase her.

With love,
Dehyana